Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Growing Up







Do you ever have those days where you are so in love with your child you can't stand it?
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This morning started too early as Ben came into my room just before 6:30 announcing he was not tired anymore.
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Boy! His mommy was sure tired.
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I told him to go snuggle with his dad. It was not 7:00 yet.
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He went.
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As I lay there in bed, I was so overcome with sadness. The sadness I will experience in the years to come when he will not want to come and snuggle in bed with me. When he will be married and in a home of his own.
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As the tears welled up in my eyes, I was very frightened I was - or had - ruined my son. The very last thing I want him to feel is that he is not important or loved completely. He needs to come first, and to know without a doubt that I, his mother, thinks he is more special than anything else in this world, including sleep.
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I threw off the covers and went to him and told him how much I loved him. I rubbed his face and hugged him. He told me I was his girl. His face just glowed to see that I had come to tell him of my love for him. One of those moments I will remember always.
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Then seeing him outside in the snow later today- my heart ached again. I longed for my little toddler that has grown up so fast. I miss him as he was. I love him as he is. I miss him years from now when he is grown.
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I know this time goes by way too fast. As hard as it is, I am already grieving for when it is over. I want to keep my kids little and in my home forever. I don't want them to grow up.
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Seeing Ben out shoveling the snow also made me very grateful the he has the good example of his father. He sees Greg working all the time, and Greg includes him in jobs that need to be done. I am proud of the values he is teaching our children about work.
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Another thing that made my heart swell is that after I got him dressed and he went outside, he didn't know I had run to get my camera and sat on the couch shooting nearly 200 pictures of him shoveling. He looked up and saw me there with my camera ... and he just beamed. The look on his face was just priceless as he realized he was important to me, that I just didn't go and do whatever needed to be done at the moment. When he saw me watching him, he dropped the shovel and came running inside to hug me. I made him hot cocoa and cherished the moment I had with my son.

3 comments:

Suzanne said...

That was really touching. I feel like you really honor your motherhood. The hat looks awesome! The Elf thing was hilarious. Was that your dad? I kept thinking it was Tom Bergeron from AFHV! Ha ha! -Suzanne

Suzanne said...

OK, downloaded the Buffalo Chicken Wing dip and I am going to try it for a party on Friday. Glorious recipe! -Suzanne

Rose, Corey and Matthew said...

Oh wow! That was cool! You are a GREAT Mom I am sure! I bet Ben knows that, but what a GREAT way to show him and tell him! You are a GREAT example to me! Thank you!